the silence of sleep
I haven't logged in here for a long time, and I see there are advertisements and whatnot! And swimming fish. Hrumph.
Get offa my lawn! Things ain't what they used to be! Where's my fiber?!
Okay, now that's out of my system, I've gotten a shoeprint in my ass from the Gods of Law. Lowest G.P.A. ever, but I passed my first semester. I feel quite legally challenged right now. I'm trying to revise my tactics and go into this semester with the energy and gusto I need because being a lawyer is very important to me. And I need to rebuild the "me" in that sentence.
In the meantime, I am completely broke. I thought I lost my credit card so I had to get a new one, and in the meantime I swam in the storm drain of yuppieville. No trendy cheeky lunches. No bagels and coffee. I FELT STARVED, LET ME TELL YA. I'm too spoiled for my own good to be so poor.
I probably should start picking up lunch. I'll swing by 7-11 to see what I can see; it'll likely be cheaper than anything at the school canteen or convenience store -- and with 7-11, that's saying something.
I've also dedicated a lot of time and energy to my weblog, The Anti-Essentialist Conundrum. Full of ranting, raving, thinking, poetry, and figuring out what matters to me as a young black woman trying to get a J.D. And I'm discovering a very supportive and active community of people doing their own explorations and inspiring me in ways I never knew possible. Internet, you are kind. Here's something you guys will like: the Neruda meme I started. It picked up a lot of steam!
I bought a lot of cool books over winter break, including a few by Toni Morrison. I also bought a couple of Bebe Moore
I think that's all I have for you right now. Ever have violent, ridiculous feelings of deja vu? I'm having that right now. And I can't explain why I feel like I've written this post before...
What are the things in life that you're truly passionate about?
Submitted by Jess.
- Soul searching, if we have souls.
- Loving others.
- Finding myself so I can love myself and then love others better.
- Self-sacrifice.
- The dotted line between love and hatred.
- Books. I love books.
- Words, words, words.
- Connections and patterns.
- Fresh air.
- Clean rain.
What's one thing you regret not doing?
Submitted by Mr. Nice.
Not treating my first ex better than I did...I wonder if I should try calling her.
How did you pick your Vox name? Does it mean something?
Submitted by LeendaDLL.
I feel like someone's asked this question on here. But my name comes from a poem I wrote over the summer about an interaction between a baby and a kitten, called "Collector's Items":
Lorraine was a girl who played with trifles,
Her eyes always caressed the simplest trinkets,
She fondled and fumbled with diary locks,
She knitted and purled with the blandest strings,
She always nibbled colored plastic over dribbled crystal,
She crossed prismatic sand with pricked diamonds, and
Lorraine loved all things glisteningly mundane.Her cat Sylvia preened her finest furs,
Lorraine cultivated her litter near the kitten’s pride,
Lorraine and Sylvia disagreed on collecting,
Sylvia adored diamonds and the finest yarns,
Lorraine preferred the most vibrant colors,
Lorraine coddled the most sensual textures, so
Lorraine and Sylvia always snipped at each other.One day, Sylvia spread nonsense about Lorraine –
In a fit of pique, Sylvia took Lorraine’s breath away,
She put it in her den and covered it with scents,
Sylvia circled the scene of the crime and mewed,
She pranced about the tiny girl with royal airs, and
She pawed the swaddled playground with nose in clouds.
Lorraine rested amongst her celestial trifles in peace.
I generally like cats more than baby people. But I adopted the screenname Sylvia's Revenge because what's wrong with a little decadence? What's wrong with preferring space? And why can't spaces be shared? Sylvia may have been too rash, but c'est la vie. My screenname reflects the protection of kitten individualism. :-p
Madonna of feline leukemia.
Our lady of unpaid anesthesiologist bills.
Virgin of earthquakes on the fortieth floor.
Our lady of diabetic blindness.
Madonna of drudgery.
Our lady of deadpan.
Our lady of drive-by shootings.
Madonna of laboratory animals.
Virgin of the safety deposit box.
Our lady of the sales pitch.
Heavy-lidded Madonna of thorazine.
Virgin of planetary tensions.
Personal virgin of stainless steel.
Madonna of the iron lung.
Madonna of the stock market.
Our lady of the statewide blackout.
Madonna of radiation sickness.
Madonna of carbon monoxide.
Our lady of genetic mutation.
Virgin of ether.
Madonna of nitroglycerin.
Virgin of medical ethics.
Our lady of instant cremation.
Our lady of concentration camps.
Madonna of poised aspirin.
Our lady of the sniper at the elementary school.
Virgin of the dwindling emergency rooms.
Madonna of the negative horizon.
Madonna of technology.
Madonna of the mass media.
Our lady's machine museum.
Virgin of the revelation of identity.
Madonna of the double-blind study.
Our lady of AZT.
Our lady of psychoanalysis.
Virgin of computer-engineered tax evasion.
Madonna of the synchronized sound track.
Madonna of autonomy.
Our lady of Dianetics.
Our lady of the stalled escalator.
Virgin of food irradiation.
Virgin of chemically induced birth defects.
Madonna of the wildcat strike.
Our lady of cigarette advertising.
Our lady of twilight sleep.
Madonna of suits "made by some poor slob in Hong Kong."
Virgin of the extra "Y" chromosome.
Madonna of fossil fuels.
Madonna of gridlock.
Virgin of the complete blood transfusion.
Virgin of sudden infant death syndrome.
Our lady of organ transplants.
Our lady of the power lunch.
Madonna of after-hours clubs.
Virgin of the oil glut.
Our lady of talk radio.
Madonna of the Gallup Poll.
Madonna of Muzak and call-waiting.
Our lady of sexual harassment.
Madonna of the glib interviewer.
Our lady of the temporal lobe.
Madonna of the caste system.
Our lady of unpaid sick leave.
Madonna of infinte echolalia.
Say:
your race, your sex, your color. Say:
The world is round and the arctic cold.
Say: I shall kiss the rondure of your soul's
living marl. Say: he is beautiful,
serenly beautiful, yet, only ephemerally so.
Say: Her Majesty combs her long black hair for hours.
Say: O rainbows, in his eyes, rainbows.
Say: O frills and fronds, I know you
Mr. Snail Consciousness,
O foot plodding the underside of leaves.
Say: I am nothing without you, nothing,
Ms. Lookeast, Ms. Lookeast,
without you, I am utterly empty.
Say: the small throat of sorrow.
Say: China and France, China and France.
Say: Beauty and loss, the dross of centuries.
Say: Nothing in their feudal antechamber
shall relinquish us of our beauty-
Say: Mimosa - this is not a marriage song (epithalamion).
Say: when I was a young girl in Hong Kong
a prince came on a horse, I believe it was a piebald.
O dead prince dead dead prince who paid for my ardor.
Say: O foot O ague O warbling oratorio...
Say: Darling, use "love" only as a transitive verb
for the first forty years of your life.
Say: I have felt this before, it's soft, human.
Say: my love is a fragile concertina.
Say: you always love them in the beginning,
then, you take them to slaughter.
O her coarse whispers O her soft bangs.
By their withers, they are emblazoned dopplegangers.
Say: beauty and terror, beauty and terror.
Say: the house is filled with perfume,
dancing sonatinas and pungent flowers.
Say: houses filled with combs combs combs
and the mistress' wan ankles.
Say: embrace the An Lu Shan ascendancy
and the fantastical diaspora of tears.
Say: down blue margins
my inky love runs. Tearfully,
tearfully, the pearl concubine runs.
There is a tear in his left eye - sadness or debris?
Say: reverence to her, reverence to her.
Say: I am a very small boy, a very small boy,
I am a teeny weeny little boy
who yearns to be punished.
Say, I can't live without you
Head Mistress, Head Mistress,
I am a little lamb, a consenting lamb,
I am a sheep without his fold.
Say: God does not exist and hell is other people -
and Mabel, can't we get out of this hotel?
Say: Gregor Samsa - someone in Tuscaloosa
thinks you're magnifico, she will kiss
your battered cheek, embrace your broken skull.
Is the apple half eaten or half whole?
Suddenly, he moves within me, how do I know
that he is not death, in death there is
certain // caesura.
Say: there is poetry in his body, poetry
in his body, yes, say:
this dead love, this dead love,
this dead, dead love, this lovely death,
this white percale, white of hell, of heavenly shale.
Centerfolia...say: kiss her sweet lips.
Say: what rhymes with "flower":
"bower," "shower," "power"?
I am that yellow girl, that famished yellow girl
from the first world.
Say: I don't give a shit about nothing
'xcept my cat, your cock and poetry.
Say: a refuge between sleeping and dying.
Say: to Maui to Maui to Maui
creeps in his pretty pompadour.
Day to day, her milk of human kindness
ran dry; I shall die of jejune jejune la lune la lune.
Say: a beleaguered soldier, a fine arse had he.
Say: I have seen the small men of my generation
rabid, discrete, hysterical, lilliput, naked.
Say: Friday is okay; we'll have fish.
Say: Friday is not okay; he shall die
of the measles near the bay.
Say: Friday, just another savage
day until Saturday, the true Sabbath, when they shall
finally stay. Say:
Sojourner
Truth.
Say: I am dismayed by your cloying promiscuousness
and fawning attitude.
Say: amaduofu, amaduofu.
Say: he put cumin and tarragon in his stew.
Say: he's the last wave of French Algerian Jews.
He's a cousin of Helene Cixous, twice removed.
Say: he recites the lost autobiography of Camus.
Say: I am a professor from the University of Stupidity,
I cashed my welfare check and felt good.
I saw your mama crossing the bridge of magpies
up on the faded hillock with the Lame Ox -
Your father was conspicuously absent.
Admit that you loved your mother,
that you killed your father to marry your mother.
Suddenly, my terrible childhood made sense.
Say: beauty and truth, beauty and truth,
all ye need to know on earth all ye need to know.
Say: I was boogying down, boogying down
Victoria Peak Way and a slip-of-a-boy climbed off his ox;
he importuned me for a kiss, a tiny one
on his cankered lip.
Say: O celebrator O celebrant
of a blessed life, say:
false fleeting hopes
Say: despair, despair, despair.
Say: Chinawoman, I am a contradicition in terms:
I embody frugality and ecstasy.
Friday Wong died on a Tuesday,
O how he loved his lambs.
He was lost in their sheepfold.
Say: another mai tai before your death.
Another measure another murmur before your last breath.
Another boyfried, Italianesque.
Say: Save. Exit.
Say: I am the sentence which shall at last elude her.
Oh, the hell of heaven's girth, a low mound from here...
Say:
Oh, a mother's vision of the emerald hills draws down her brows.
Say: A brush of jade, a jasper plow furrow.
Say: ####00000xxxxx!!!!
Contemplate thangs cerebral spiritual open stuff reality
by definition lack any spatial extension
we occupy no space and are not measurable
we do not move undulate are not in perpetual motion
where for example is thinking in the head? in my vulva?
whereas in my female lack of penis? Physical
thangs spatial extensions mathematically measurable
preternaturally possible lack bestial vegetable consciousness
lack happiness lackluster lack chutzpah lack love
Say: A scentless camellia bush bloodied the afternoon.
Fuck this line, can you really believe this?
When did I become the master of suburban bliss?
With whose tongue were we born?
The language of the masters is the language of the aggressors.
We've studied their cadence carefully -
enrolled in a class to improve our accent.
Meanwhile, they hover over, waiting for us to stumble...
to drop an article, mispronounce an R.
Say: softly, softly, the silent gunboats glide.
O onerous sibilants, O onomatopoetic glibness.
Say:
How could we write poetry in a time like this?
A discipline that makes much ado about so little?
Willfully laconic, deceptively disguised as a love poem.
Say:
Your engorging dict-
atorial flesh
grazed mine.
Would you have loved me more if I were black?
Would I have loved you more if you were white?
And you, relentless Sinophile,
holding my long hair, my frayed dreams.
My turn to objectify you.
I, the lunatic, the lover, the poet,
the face of an orphan static with flies,
the scourge of the old world,
which reminds us - it ain't all randy dandy
in the new kingdom.
Say rebuke descry
Hills and canyons, robbed by sun, leave us nothing.
What's your sign? What do you think of astrology and horoscopes?
I'm a Scorpio. We rock. Astrology and horoscopes illustrate this fact. That's all I need to know.
I am also a Wood Ox. Oxes also rock boxes. And the earth is our box. I GOT DEEP RIGHT THERE. ;-)
The poem of the mind in the act of finding
What will suffice. It has not always had
To find: the scene was set; it repeated what
Was in the script.
Then the theatre was changed
To something else. Its past was a souvenir.
It has to be living, to learn the speech of a place.
It has to face the men of the time and to meet
The women of the time. It has to think about war
And it has to find what will suffice. It has
To construct a new stage. It has to be on that stage
And, like an insatiable actor, slowing and
With meditation, speak words that in the ear,
In the delicatest ear of the mind, repeat,
Exactly, that which it wants to hear, at the sound
Of which, an invisible audience listens,
Not to the play, but to itself, expressed
In an emotion as of two people, as of two
Emotions becoming one. The actor is
A metaphysician in the dark, twanging
An instrument, twanging a wiry string that gives
Sounds passing through sudden rightness, wholly
Containing the mind, below which is cannot descend,
Beyond which it has no will to rise.
It must
Be the finding of a satisfaction, and may
Be of a man skating, a woman dancing, a woman
Combing. The poem of the act of the mind.
What's your sign? What do you think of astrology and horoscopes?
I'm
a Virgo, and I think astrology is usually pretty right, but not totally
usually. Hororscopes seem to really never be right, but sometimes they
can be on rare occasion. Basically, I like both, if even the latter
just for a laugh.
